Aalto OpenLearning
Relationship Advice from Happily Married Couples
It’s pretty obvious Faith Hill and Tim McGraw have one of the best marriages in Hollywood. They’ve been happily married for 15 years, which is no easy feat when you’re famous. So what’s their secret to keeping a solid marriage? “You have to walk this life together,” Faith says. “And you have to like the person who you love.” Such wise words. So it got us thinking, what are the secrets to a successful marriage? Well, we found out from those who have healthy, happy, passionate marriages.
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“Marriage can be described as building a plane while already mid-flight without any directions in a thunderstorm without a landing strip in sight. If you want to keep it aloft, you’ll need to keep working on it. If you and your life partner aren’t truly teammates you’ll always end up losing. And if you get your way today, make sure your partner gets their way tomorrow. You don’t have to keep score, but make sure you both get somewhat equal turns at-bat.” – Brett Stewart, married 11 years
“I have a 1-10 scale I use mentally to help me determine what to address and what to ignore. On the vertical 1-10 is ‘How much is this really bothering me?’ 1 being ‘not at all,’ and 10 being ‘I might have to kill him.’ On the horizontal 1-10 is ‘How often does this occur?’ 1 is ‘almost never,’ and 10 is ‘all the time.’ I see these in my mind like a graph and I see where the situation falls. If it almost never happens and it doesn’t bother me very much, I probably just need to ignore it. If it happens a lot and bugs me quite a bit, then I know I need to address it, even if I know he may not want to talk about it. It is a good way for me to minimize what we need to talk about and what I feel I can just exercise a little patience about and let it lie. It works for me!” – Cheryl Obermiller, married 27 years
Dating Men Online:
“What I have learned is that the key to a great marriage is respect, but it must be applied on a LOT deeper and broader scale than most people imagine. When there is sufficient respect grounded in a deep awareness of one another, even disagreements can be discussed without a fight. Great marriage partners do not fight; they have friendly debates and respectful disagreements. People also need to know the truth about the ‘Mars and Venus’ myth. Clinging to that stereotypical model has damaged far more marriages than it has helped.” – Sherry Buffington, married 21 years
“Communication is key. Fighting must have preset ground rules—before there are ever any fights. Always be the first to apologize. Our best advice to newlyweds has been, ‘The first year is the hardest.’ After that, we tell them, ‘The first five years are the hardest,’ and subsequently, ‘the first ten years are the hardest.’ Agree to never say the word divorce. If things get bad, ask one another, ‘Are we having a problem? Do we need help or counseling?’ Be brutally honest in the most loving way. We also have our own separate spaces and our key ways of letting the other know when we need to talk or to be left alone. Regular dates are important and they may be as simple as sitting down to dinner and TV together, as long as it’s dedicated time. Don’t be afraid to tell people, ‘We have been apart and have just now sat down together.’ Another key is to try to look your best for one another. And be sure to snuggle regularly, kiss often and always say ‘I love you’ when you part or come back together. Phone one another during the day when you can. Have as much contact and communication with one another as you can. You are each others’ best friends. ‘Keeping the spark alive’ doesn’t always mean sex, but it does mean making sure that your mate knows you still find them desirable. Remind one another of the reasons you married, and why you’d marry them all over again!” – Jean Archambault-White, married 37 years
“Best advice: 1) Separate bathrooms. 2) Date night on a weeknight not just weekends, we have it on Mondays. 3) Celebrate everything wonderful—dating anniversary, wedding anniversary, good news, great weather, solstice, friends, delicious bottle of wine, you name it.” – Paige Arnof-Fenn, married 20 years
“A successful marriage starts with two people who know each other really well and who have had all the required conversations as to kids, religion, goals, dreams, careers and interests. Two people who know enough that they want to know more and more and are willing to work at creating a happy life together. Stay focused, don’t ever lose sight of the big picture—your commitment to each other, your love for each other and all the reasons you fell in love in the first place. Be kind to one another and learn to disregard the little things that might come to drive you crazy. For example, in the big scheme of things, does is really matter if the toothpaste lid is left off? Appreciate the little things and don’t look for flaws. For example, does it really matter if he doesn’t make the bed the way you do? Be grateful he made the bed! Don’t look for problems, only solutions. Keep your individual identities as well as creating an identity as a couple. Support each others’ careers even if that means making sacrifices along the way. Big decisions need to be ‘we’ decisions. Do nice things for each other, little or big. Kind, sweet gestures go a long way in saying ‘I love you.’ Hold hands in public, at home, at a party. Let the world know this is your spouse and you’d marry them again in a heartbeat.” – Lynda Peterson, married 27 years